35 Secrets Midwives Will Never Give Away
Google is your worst enemy when you’re pregnant.
This is every midwife’s most powerful weapon.
No matter how chaotic a midwife’s schedule is, her bag is ALWAYS neatly packed.
Anytime someone mentions a “pool,” this is the first thing a midwife thinks of:
Midwives are teachers, and this is what their classroom looks like:
Midwives are jacked, because this is the arm workout they do every day.
Midwives are capable of stitching together ruptures as well as any surgeon–even near the most sensitive part of a woman’s body.
The stamps they keep on hand are a little different from something an office worker might use.
A midwife’s planner isn’t square, it’s round.
Never tell a midwife that their only responsibility is to hold hands and light a few candles during delivery.
Midwives go through extensive training.
And they’re great listeners.
This is what midwives use to talk with their clients. (The babies, not the mothers.)
Midwives know how powerful mothers become while delivering, and often go home covered in bruises.
There are no normal business hours when you’re a midwife.
The job can be stressful, so they need to find some cheerfulness where they can with their work.
Wellness means something different to midwives than to other people
They spend a lot of time reading picture books.
And playing with dolls.
Sometimes very terrifying dolls.
Every midwife forms a special and deep attachment to their practice dolls during training.
Midwives can answer any question you could possibly have about feeding your children.
They’re also essentially personal trainers, and can help you work out muscles you didn’t even know you had.
Midwives are more valuable than Google.
They can size up your entire pregnancy with just a single glance at complex charts like this one:
Nothing is taboo for a midwife.
And nobody is more eager and hopeful than a midwife student and the beginning of their training.
And don’t forget about the male midwives! (And yes! They’re still called midwives!)
Even the longest, most exhausting overnight shift is made more bearable if your favorite colleague is there to assist.
Midwives will not hesitate to throw anyone out of a delivery room at any moment for any reason.
They can never get enough tiny, shriveled baby feet.
And they are constantly amazed by small wonders.
Midwives see mothers and their loved ones at their strongest, weakest, most vulnerable, and at their happiest.
A midwife is the strongest shoulder you can lean on.
And it’s never just a job. It’s a calling.
But the best reward a midwife can get is a heartfelt thanks from the mother she helped.
This post was translated from German.